I'll Still Say That You Shine Brighter Than Anyone

As today comes to an end, it hit me that there is a void that cannot be replaced. Holding on to the past will get me nowhere. Time still goes on. I will never forget my cousin, John. I'll see him again one day. Now I will remember his life, memories, and love for his family. He had such a big heart, and I'm proud to say he's my cousin.

Through the hard times let me know that I'm not alone.

This time today last year, I got a call. My mom told me my cousin died from a gun shot wound. She hung up, and then I called his phone...twice. No answer. Then my mom called again crying even more. I went to my grandma's house to be there when she was told my cousin died. We stood with his mom, and three sisters until 7 am. I will never forget that night. I can't say much, but a lot of stuff happened. All I can say is that a cop killed him.

He was pronounced dead at 12:06 am. I remember seeing his body at his viewing, and I hated it. He'll never laugh, or make us laugh again. All of his son's memories of him will be at a cemetery. John was, (I hate using past-tense when talking about him.), 19 when he died. He would have been 20 last year, 21 this year. I miss my cousin so much. The world lost a bit of colour when he died. It wasn't his time to go, but every dream a family member has on him, he says he's happy. Maybe I just need to celebrate his life instead of mourn his death, but it's so hard when to when we grew up together.

We're all waiting for a ring to prove we are not alone.

I'm officially 22 (as of April 26th lol)...WOOO!!!....I think it's a good thing. No one to enjoy it with; no one to kiss me either. I don't mean to come off as "mushy", but I want that. I want to know I'm not alone in this journey of life. I hope I'm not. It gets hard listening to my favourite songs when they are all about love. It's a constant reminder that I'm lonely. I want someone who will love the fact that I'm a geek, and awkward. Basically, I want someone to love me for me. I'm not asking for much, am I? Maybe I'm just in love with the idea of love, or I'm a hopeless romantic. (I'm hoping for the latter.)